Mush's First Love
by Half-Pint
Summary: Adele von Tussle is a pampered, but forgotten rich girl. Mush Meyers is a lowly street rat. Adele, desperate for some attention finds comfort in the arms of Mush...but what will become of them? sounds like fluff, but it doesn't turn out that way
1. Chapter 1

The following story and its preceeding chapters will be unadulterated Mush fluff. I hope you enjoy.  
  
Chapter 1: Adele  
  
Adele von Tussle offered a gloved hand to the new butler of the house and gracefully stepped out of the carriage, careful not to dirty her new shoes. Her father had put down a full $50 on them, but she didn't seem to think he even cared. Maybe he hadn't even picked them out, but had one of her old maids or nannies do it for him. After all, he was so incredibly busy these days...as he had always been. There was never time for Adele in his schedule and she was used to being brushed aside.   
  
"These steamer trunks go in Miss Adele's room." her aunt told the black porters in her thick German accent.   
  
Adele tossed her flaxen colored curl and looked more closely at the men. Adele had grown up her entire life in a stuffed up aristocratic castle in Germany. She didn't have much exposure to people outside her class besides servants and nannies. She had been shipped to live with her aunt in New York City to attend a "fine school for girls" as her father put it. Adele knew it was only a way to get her out of the house, for even though the girl was devastatingly pretty, there was something about her that made her father cringe and look away when he saw her, something she never understood.  
  
"Come on Adele, don't stare at the help." her aunt chided her, pulling her arm closer to the entrance of the grand home she owned.  
  
She couldn't help herself. She had never seen black people before. Adele had read about them in books and found their plight rather curious, but she had never seen one in the flesh. She couldn't help but marvel at their skin tone and the curls that stood atop their heads.   
  
"Adele! I said come along child!" her aunt told her severely once again in German.   
  
Adele nodded and daintily stepped across a puddle that had gathered in the brick before her aunt's estate.   
  
Her aunt led her briskly through her home, decorated with the usual expensive artwork, grand piano, clocks as expensive as an entire house. The quick tour ended in Adele's new bedroom where the curious black men had laid her three steamer trunks. Her new bedroom was a little smaller than her one at home, but she expected it now that she was living in the city and not the country any longer. The theme of it was baby blue and white, with a soaring canopy above the bed and frills and lace everywhere the eye could see.   
  
"I'll see that Maisy gets your dresses hung up as quickly as possible." her aunt told the exhausted looking young thing.   
  
'What a tragic life she's led,' her aunt thought to herself surveying young Adele. 'At only fifteen she's cast three thousand miles from her father because poor Henry can't bear to see her everyday. She's a constant reminder of who he's lost and a constant reminder that more days keep flowing by, seperating him even further from his dear one.'  
  
Adele nodded at her aunt, exhausted from her three thousand mile journey. The three weeks of travel had ceased here and she was glad to have a warm bed and be able to look out and see actual land and people and not the constant wave of the ocean.   
  
"After Maisy puts your things in, she'll draw a bath for you. After that you'll be expected to read or entertain yourself quietly up here until you fall asleep. Breakfast is served promptly at 8AM in the dining room. You are not a child anymore, I won't have you taking meals by yourself any longer the way your father insists."   
  
Her aunt nodded swiftly and hugged the child awkwardly before imploring Maisy, the comical Irish maid, to quick slacking about and hang up Adele's dresses with care. Truth be told, her aunt hadn't seen Adele since the child was seven and not been around children very much, much less teenagers. She didn't know what to do with Adele or how she should be treated. She reasoned the girl had been left alone enough in her life and knew how to get by in that way. Anyhow, in a year Adele would "come out" to society and no doubt the flower of a girl would be married off before she finished high school. Then her aunt wouldn't have to worry her head about her young charge any longer.   
  
After Maisy unpacked Adele's dresses and she'd had her bath, Adele put on her favorite flannel nightgown. She didn't care that it was in the middle of summer and she ought to opt for her thin cotton dress. This flannel nightgown had always been her favorite. When she was six, she wore it, even though it was much too big and her nanny joked that she looked like she was drowning in it. Now, at 15, the sleeves which had once drowned her small hands were up to her forearms and the hem of the gown up to her calves. It was familiar.  
  
Too tired to read any, Adele climbed into her new bed and found it surprisingly comfortable. She liked down feathered blankets and pillows most of all and wondered if her aunt had known. She doubted it. She didn't think anyone even knew which color she prefered best.   
  
After blowing out the lamp that sat on her night stand, Adele rolled over onto her side and let the sounds of the city flow into her room with the warm summer breeze. She didn't know if she could sleep, what with all the shouting coming from street level.   
  
"Damned peasants." She sighed as she tried to muffle out the sound somehow.   
  
'Like it or not, this is your new home,' she told herself. 'Get used to it.' 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the bone/b person who's read and reviewed my fic. So sad....oh well.  
  
Chapter 2   
  
After breakfast the next morning, Adele was left to her own devices. Her aunt informed her that she would be making social calls and insinuated rather heavily that Adele was not invited. Adele was told not to leave the house but that she should find some way to entertain herself until dinner time.  
  
With a sigh, Adele headed upstairs and opened one of the many books she had brought with her. The pages were dog earred and the story was so familiar to her that she could almost recite it with her eyes closed. Still, she did not have the courage to venture into her aunt's study knowing that one of the servants might find her there and chide her for being out of her confined quarters. She'd had enough of people ordering her around to last a life time.  
  
After finishing the first chapter, Adele shoved the book aside. It was much too nice a day to spend indoors. The trees and flowers were blooming outside creating a gentle perfume that seemed to carry through the air. The whole world seemed to be in full bloom, trying to get the very most out of these last few days of summer.   
  
Adele sat on her bed on her knees, elbows on the window sill and observed the world, or what she could see of it, from her perch. All she could see was her aunt's small garden of lillies and carnations and into the yards of two of their neighbors. Nothing seemed to be going on there either, except one of the maids next door washing clothes and singing rather off key.   
  
'I never thought the city could be so boring.' Adele thought as she fell on her bed dramatically. However, she had no nanny to see the dramatics and rush to her side to pamper her. With that thought, Adele smiled. If she had no nanny, who was going to make sure she didn't leave? Her aunt wouldn't finish her social engagements until well past five and it was only eleven o'clock. There was a whole city out there that awaited, and Adele wasn't about to sit by herself all day knowing that no one could stop her.  
  
Excitedly, she pulled on her shoes and checked herself once in the mirror before sneaking out of the front door ever so silently. She had of course managed to filch a key from the maid's keyring when the cook was looking in the other direction.  
  
Once outside, Adele breathed in deeply. She had been to other cities before; Berlin, Munich, Paris, London, but they all seemed somewhat different from New York. Right away she could see New York was something special, with people of every shades and shouting in all kinds of languages and accents. It was an odd sight for her to see indeed, ladies passing by while urchins begged for them to purchase just one flower.   
  
The girl stood there for a minute before deciding she wanted to go find the newest dress shop that was supposed to be all the rage now. She had heard of it back home and the dresses in it were supposed to be absolutely beautiful. She wanted to see for herself. Then perhaps she'd grab something to eat from one of the vendors and then sneak back inside in time for a short nap before dinner. It would be perfect.   
  
Adele asked directions to the dress shop from a fine looking gentleman who was out with his wife and daughter. She smiled at him meekly and headed in the direction. No sooner had she turned the corner then had someone run right at her, knocking her down. She couldn't see who the culprit was, but she was sure that there were papers flying in every direction.  
  
"Pardon me, miss." a voice came through the deluge of papers. "I didn't mean to knock you right ovah. Me and my friends was just messin' around. Heah, lemme help you up."   
  
A dirty hand stained with print was thrust at her. Reluctantly, she took it and let its owner pull her back up into a standing position so she could survey the damages. Altogether she was fine, except some dirt on her clothes and a cut on her knee that had torn through her stockings.  
  
The voice continued after he surveyed her knee. "Awww, no. Miss I'se real sorry about dat. You want me to help you take care of it?"  
  
"No thank you." Adele said rather curtly, too curtly for her own pleasure. It was just with such a dirty hand, she wasn't sure how dirty this boy might be. And who knows how he'd help her take care of it in the first place.  
  
After brushing off the lap of her skirt, she looked up into the eyes of the owner of the hand. He was just a boy, her own age probably. He had the deepest set brown eyes that reminded her of a puppy dog and curly brown hair. But it was his skin that strangely attracted her to him. She had never seen anything like it before. He wasn't as black as the porters had been yesterday, but he wasn't quite the color of Adele either. She found the color beautiful and decided it reminded her of cafe au lait.   
  
He stood there with his hat off collecting his papers, making sure Adele was okay before he was on his way. The truth was, the boy didn't mind running into such a pretty girl. 'This is the closet I'll ever be to having a girl as wonderful as her.' he thought woefully.  
  
"Sorry for being so curt." Adele said, trying her best to speak without a German accent, which she was often quite good at. "I was just surprised. My name's Adele."   
  
She thrust her hand forward with her introduction, not quite sure why she was introducing herself to this strange peasant boy. Perhaps it was the way he was looking at her or perhaps she just needed some element of adventure or maybe just some sort of companion.  
  
"Mush." he answered, not quite sure what to do with the hand that had been thrust at him. He looked over at his clumsy friend Skittery who made a kissing face, insinuating that he was supposed to kiss her hand, not just stare at it.   
  
Mush smiled at him and pressed his lips to her soft white hand before letting it go.  
  
"I uh....I live in the big white house round the corner." She told him, again unsure what she was saying or where this would lead. "My aunt's the lady of the house and she says she needs someone to deliver our newspapers, once in the morning, once in the afternoon. Think you can handle it? We do tip well."  
  
Mush grinned at Skittery, his partner in crime. He had never had someone proposition him with an offer like that and he knew he'd be a fool if he didn't take up the gorgeous young thing on the offer.   
  
"Surely." he answered. "I'll get to your house first thing after the papers are distributed. It was nice meetin' you Miss Adele."   
  
"You too." she smiled and started on her way again to the dress shop. Perhaps New York wasn't so bad after all. 


	3. Chapter 3

WOW...i haven't updated this in **forever** and a day. But now that I'm home sick and have nothing else do to...I just reread this story and it has a lot of places to go :) 

Chapter Three

Mush and Skittery made their way to Tibby's that fateful summer day. Sweat was dripping down Mush's back making small lines in his shirt. He was almost tempted to remove it, but he knew people would prefer to purchase a pape from a sweaty newsie than a shirtless one. He tipped his hat and wiped his brow before entering the restaurant.

The pair were glad to make their way inside. The shelter from the summer sun was more than welcome and the fans going overhead were two added pleasantries. Mush decided all he'd need to make today perfect was a cold glass of lemonade.

He sat down next to his pal Race who was busy acting disgustingly cute with his girlfriend Half-Pint. Those two never seperated...not since they were eleven had one seen one without the other. Now that they'd figured out they had feelings for each other, it never stopped. Mush was slightly envious of them for he hoped that they would one day marry and make a life together.

"Aww cut it out! I'm tryin' ta eat heah!" Mush laughed as he delved into the hot dog he just ordered.

"Jealousy, my friend, is not flattering." Race said with a snicker as he took a bite of his turkey sandwich. It was one of those rare days when everyone seemed to have just enough money to buy a full lunch.

Skittery sauntered over to them and turned the chair backwards and straddled it.

"Mush ain't got nuttin' ta be jealous of. He met himself a right fine lady taday..." Skittery teased mussing his hair. Mush shook his head and took a bit of his hot dog

"It ain't nothin'. Just some hoity toity rich goil wantin' me to bring a pape ta her house twice a day."

Skittery cleared his throat and tried not to laugh.

"Some hoity toity rich goil, eh? You wasn't sayin' dat when you said you'd like ta-"

"Shut up!" Mush interjected, getting slightly irritated by his tone. So what if this Miss Adele was attractive. He'd never have her anyway.

Race grinned his grin. He seemed to be enjoying this thoroughly. He put his tongue through his teeth as he took a swig of his cold sasparilla.

"Fi...you t'ink mush is attractive ain't ya?" Skittery asked.

Mush's faced contorted. That was a sore subject. Before Fiona "Half-Pint" and Race became and item, Mush had had a desperate crush on the girl. Resigning herself to never having Race, she had kissed him a few times when he had taken her out for some drinks. It was all innocent really, but it made Race uneasy.

"I think you know what I think on da subject. It don't mattah anyway...even if she's da prettiest goil in da woild...people like dem dey don't go for people like us." Fiona said with a shrug as she pushed around the food on her plate. Race looked at her and kissed her cheek gently as he tried to prod her in her ear to eat a little more.

Mush nodded. He knew deep down she was right.

The next morning, Mush made his way to Adele's aunt's house and was surprised to see the young girl already outside at such an early hour. She sat by herself, reading a book in a language Mush didn't recognize for he barely recognized words in his own language. She looked to him like the girls he saw in the ads that hung in Macy's. There was no doubt she was more beautiful than he had remembered.

"Heya Miss." Mush grinned at her handing her her paper.

She smiled at him and put the book down.

"Hello sir. All we have today is a five." she told him, reaching into her pocket and handing him a five dollar bill.

Mush searched for his words. "I ain't got change for a five...I'se real sorry...you can pay me latah taday if you want..."

She shook her head stoically.

"No." she answered. "Keep it."

With that he grinned the biggest grin she'd ever seen before.

'Poor fellow.' she thought. 'My shoes must cost more than he'll ever have in his life.'

She smiled at him and opened her parosol to shield herself from the sun and said no more to him. She found that most men liked some mystery and she suspected that even though he was a street rat, he'd be no different.

Adele appeared every morning on the front steps for two weeks. On the second week, she stood outside in her school uniform and failed to greet him in the afternoons on weekdays due to her schedule at school.

As he handed her the paper on that Friday morning he scratched his neck ever so slightly and asked, "Miss, I gotta ask. Why are you always out heah? Ain't you gotta maid or somethin'?"

She grinned and tightened her clutch on her school books.

"Of course we do. But I like to see the world pass by. My aunt doesn't like it. She says I'm letting myself get dark. But I like to watch everything out here. And I like to see you most of all."

He grinned as wide as he could. He tried to contain himself though for he did not want to look like he'd had his hopes set up too high.

"May I walk you to school?" he asked offering his hand for her books.

She blushed and nodded. "Thank you, I would like that."

She handed him her school books, all the while noticing him and how attractive he was. They didn't make boys like him at home. Only in America, she reckoned.

As the school building came into view and more uniformed girls began to appear, she turned to Mush and smiled, tossing a beautiful curl over her shoulder.

"Mush?" she asked softly "Can I see you tonight?"

She was almost as taken aback by the question as he was.

'What am I getting myself into?' she thought. 'I can't carry on like this with a newspaper boy! But those eyes...that skin...and he's so sweet.. No, no harm will come on us.'

He nodded rather reluctantly.

"I'd like ta...but I dunno how its gonna work ya see."

She thought for a moment and then came up with an idea.

"Well, my aunt doesn't allow me out of the house after bedtime, clearly. But maybe you could climb in through my window? There are vines growing upside the house and the gardner tends to them. I'll see that the ladder is close by before I go to bed."

He nodded eagerly at the thought although neither of them knew quite what they were getting themselves into.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews...I can't believe i'm actually updating this story. But I've decided where to go with it. :)

Chapter Four

That night, Adele lay in bed after everyone had gone to sleep. She didn't put on her pajamas, but wore her undergarments with a robe over them for some sort of decency. She laid a flaxen head on the sweet smelling pillow, half afraid that her beloved Mush wouldn't even come at all. It was silly for her to ask...he'd have to risk a lot and she knew that. Just as she had drifted off to sleep, she felt the bed move.

She awoke with a start, only to see that it was Mush who had climbed onto her bed through the window. She put her hand to her heart as she calmed down and he smiled slowly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean ta wake youse. You looked so pretty sleepin' dere...I coulda just watched for a couple of hours." he told her blushing.

Adele smiled herself and blushed fevorishly. No boy had ever said anything like that to her before.

"Was it hard getting in here?" she asked him moving the covers off of her and sitting up.

He shook his head and laughed flexing his muscles "Naw...anythin' fer you."

She giggled and moved closer to him. As she moved, her garter exposed itself and Mush found himself intently staring at it. He gulped. Sure he had had his way with women before, but they weren't like this. None of them were as beautiful or as classy as Miss Adele.

They talked for a bit, passing the time laughing and getting to know each other better. Each felt a whole new sensation they'd never felt before: butterflies in their tummies. Before Adele knew it, Mush had caught his mouth with hers and kissed her ever so sofly.

The kiss turned into more as Adele's robe was quickly torn away and Mush was soon on top of her. She could feel how much he wanted her.

"I've never done this before." Adele told him slowly as she closed her eyes and traced the muscles on his chest. "Have you?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. But you ain't gotta worry. I'll be gentle, aight?" he promised. She nodded and smiled.

After it was over, Mush lay next to her, tracing small patterns on her stomach. Every chance each of them got, they kissed one another's faces, loving the way the shadows made each other look in the night.

"Adele?" he asked after a long silence.

"Yes?" she asked him turning to him and smiling.

Mush cleared his throat and knitted his brow.

"Why'd ya lie? About it bein' ya foist time?"

She bit her lip. How could he have known she had lied? There could have been no way he could've known that...unless he was psychic or something.

Mush seemed to read her mind and spoke first.

"Its aight you know. I don't mind dat youse done it befoah...it don't make me t'ink you'se a slut or nuttin'. I just knew 'cause I did it wid dese two udda girls and it was dere foist times too and each a dem cried a lot and bled and somethin' broke...like I could feel it. But not wid you."

She nodded still deep in thought.

"I did make love to a man once before. Well he was a boy. I was in Paris with my father and he was with his father. He thought I was beautiful. He was seventeen and I let him make love to me. But he never talked to me again. A lot of people in high society in Europe found out about it and my father thought it might ruin my chance to get married. He sent me here to get a fresh start, but I suspect that's not the only reason."

She looked into his deep brown eyes and without delay he kissed her lips quickly.

"Dat's awful. I ain't nevah gonna do dat ta youse." he told her stroking her arm. "Nevah. Any guy'd be a maniac ta give you up."

Adele smiled and soon fell asleep content in his arms. 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews! 

With this story I have a TERRIBLE case of "I know where its going but I don't know what to do with the intermittent chapters!"

But anyway, here's Chapter Five. I hope you guys like it! (And yes Mush and Adele DID get together REALLY fast...it just shows their naivete :))

**Chapter Five**

Mush and Adele's affection for each other had been set on fire after that night. Sure, both of them had had crushes on other people, both slept with other people, but nothing had been like the way they felt for each other. It was if everything in life suddenly made sense and everything had a purpose. For the first time in her life, Adele felt truly happy and loved, which were the two things she had sought for from her father her whole life.

They spent every possible moment together. Adele claimed that she and a friend from school had started studying until dinnertime and after dinner her fictional friends took a music lesson together on Tuesdays and Thursdays (she added that hoping it would make it more believable). In truth, Adele hadn't made many friends at her new school. She mostly kept to herself, doodling on her work and thinking of the time she and Mush would later spend together.

The newsies got used to her presence at the Lodging House. At first it was jarring for the boys as they had never met a woman of such "status" before. But gradually they began to treat her like the other girls. It was the girls, however, who found themselves quite jealous of Miss Adele.

One especially chilly day in October, Adele made her way into the Lodging House to find her beloved Mush, bearing gifts of new mittens for everyone. She had seen they all must need they badly, so there was no reason why her father's money couldn't go for buying her new friends a treat.

When Mush saw this he grinned to himself wondering how the hell he got to be so lucky. He swooped her up in his arms and kissed her firmly on the lips. She grinned back at him, running her hands through his hair and curling each little curl with her hand.

"Dat's cointly nice a youse." He said with a grin, trying on his new pair of mittens.

She shrugged with a grin. "I've never had real friends before. I figured I should treat them right."

Mush frowned at this and traced her lips. He was beginning to see the two of them weren't much different after all. It didn't matter that she was rich. They were both orphans essentially, neglected by the ones who were supposed to love them.

He sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled her on his lap, ready to tell her a story he hadn't told anyone before.

"Have I evah told you about my past? How I got heah?"

She shook her head. She had never prodded him. She knew what it was like to want to keep things hidden, to be ashamed.

Adele rubbed her hands on his face and kisses his cheek, nodding for him to continue with his story.

"Well, I don't know much of it, but I figahd I should tell you anyways because you know me and you, we ain't so different. From what i know my muddah was a rich white lady, jis' like you. She was beautiful. She got married when she was real young and stahted havin' an affair wid da stable boy...he was colored. And den I was born. She didn't know if da baby was gonna be white or colored so she paid off da midwife ta say da baby was dead if it was colahed. And I toined out. She told everybody she'd had a stillborn, but she'd named it Nicolas. But really da midwife took me away and gave me ta some nuns who took care a colahed kids. I left da orphanage when I was twelve 'cause dey don't really take care a youse no more after dat."

Adele nodded in silence, unsure of what to say. Sure her story was tragic, but his seemed much more so. Her father hadn't wanted her, but he didn't give her up...in so many words.

"How do you know all about this?" she asked gently.

"I gots a lettah she left. I keep it wid me things." He said looking forlorn and kissed her quick. "But let's not tawk about dat...I don't like thinkin' a things like dat."

With a grin, he picked her up, to her playful protest and giggles. He took her to the sick room and made love to her once again. He knew he'd never grow tired of that. He'd never grow tired of knowing a creature so beautiful was all his. He didn't understand how he deserved it, but he did.

After they had finished, he ran his hands through her blonde curls once more.

"Adele?" he asked watching her eyelids grow heavy.

"Hmmm?" she answered, savoring his touch.

"I love you. And I wanna be wid you foreva."

She smiled. "Me too."

When Adele returned home that night (it had been a Thursday), one of the maids noticed her lovesick look and smiled a little.

"Miss Adele?" She asked as Adele took to the business of getting her books organized for the next day of classes. "Sorry if I'm intrudin', but you haven't been taking music lessons have you?"

Adele smiled a little, unable to keep the secret from anyone any longer. She figured little Jane was someone she could trust. No more than seventeen herself, she didn't think she'd take to blabbing to the mistress.

"No," She answered with a grin.

Jane smiled and hung up Adele's coat. As she did this, she noticed something rather odd about it. She leaned in closer. There was no mistaking it. Adele had fleas. She didn't understand why or how. A proper girl like Adele wouldn't be cavorting around with someone who could carry fleas, could she?

Jane dismissed it and took Adele's coat down, inspecting all of her other clothes.

"Why are you taking my clothes for washing? They're not dirty and laundry day is Saturday."

"Oh no reason. But I suspect you might need to have the doctor take a good look at you. And take a bath for heaven's sake."

Adele watched her exit, perplexed by the girl's odd behavior. She shrugged and sat down at her desk, busying herself with her math equations that she was already four days behind on.

As Adele sat and tried with all of her might to solve each equation, she found that she couldn't concentrate. All she could think of was the story Mush had told her a few hours earlier. Why had it all seemed so familiar?


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry I've been taking so long to update. I've been having some computer issues and moving around...so thanks to those who actually read the story!

Adele thought about Mush's story quite a bit in the preceeding weeks, but then she shoved it to the back of her mind and enjoyed her time with her love. Now, she understood what it was like for someone to mean everything to someone else and a possible glimpse of why her father was still such a distraught and depressed man.

One evening, while eating dinner with her aunt, the conversation topic of her mother came up. Adele was always quite fascinated by the woman and her endeavors and was quieter than usual when her aunt brought her up.

"I found such a lovely bouquet of daisies today and it made me think of poor Marie. She loved daisies so much. Before she got sick, she used to spend hours making arrangements of flowers, especially for Miss Adele's room. There's a picture of her with Miss Adele as a baby with a splendid wreath of daisies on her head."

Adele smiled at the thought. She knew that picture well, it was in a box of memories of the woman she never knew which she kept under her bed. Her father told her to take all of the pictures of her mother with her to America, and she did just that, looking at them every so often and completely captivated with her beauty.

After dinner, Adele set upstairs to finish her work for the evening before dashing away to see Nick, as had become the nightly routine. She was sure the maids knew about it, but they were keeping quiet, for now anyway.

She slid the box out from under her bed and opened it, greeted with what seemed like hundreds of photos of this lovely woman from her birth to her untimely death 14 years hence. There was a small diary inside the box, one she kept of her pregnancy with Adele and the years with Adele as a small child, before she got too sick to write any longer. Adele opened the pages and began to read a passage dated four months before her birth. It read:

Dear Diary,

Today was nothing unusual. Otto and I played croquet outside in the yard until his dear mother insisted I rest myself. Otto is terrible at croquet, but he tries, he really does. He doesn't like to admit that I'm better at it, so I always let him win. I guess male pride really does get in the way of most everything, doesn't it?

It was such a lovely day outside and I was surpirsed to hear from Otto's sister in America. She, of course, has her place amoung the New York society there and let me in on a very interesting story. I had met this woman Hannah not so long ago, on my last visit before I had been with child. I loved her dearly and we got along quite well. We still write to each other occasionally, but I had no idea she had been in such a predicament.

Clara tells me that Hannah had been clearly having an affair with their colored stable boy. I had known somewhat of the ill state of her marriage with her husband. I knew he was seeing other women on the side, but I didn't dane to think she would stoop to this with someone like the stable boy. She became with child and told Clara if the baby was to turn out a Negro she would pay off the midwife to tell everyone the baby had died and if it turned out white, she would raise the baby. She gave birth to a beautiful negro boy and Clara had to take it to the local church. She was heartbroken, but what was she to do? It would ruin her family forever! She was said to have named him Nicholas and put that around his neck so the nuns would know...but my word, what a horrible fate! I am so glad that when my baby enters the world, he or she will not know of such hardships.

Well, it is almost tea time and I should be off.

Signed,

Marie

Adele's eyes grew huge. Nicholas...that was Mush's real name. She had to tell him...she just had to. This could change everything and she knew it. They could get married, they could start a family somewhere. She tucked the diary under her arm and headed straight for the lodging house.

-----

"Don't you see Adele? I'se colahed...it don't mattah if my real mudda's some hoity toity lady." Mush said unimpressed by the discovery. " 'Sides, I always knew she was hoity toity."

Adele sighed, angry that he wasn't as impressed as she was with the discovery.

"So, this doesn't change anything?" She asked, waving the diary. "I mean we have a name, we can figure out who she is and track her down."

Mush sighed and looked at her with angrier eyes than she'd ever seen in her life.

"Look, Adele. You jis' don't undahstand. She didn't want me befoah, so why's she gonna want her colahd kid comin' round and ruinin' her life? She gave me up for a reason."

Adele looked at the floor, regretting she even brought it up. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. " 'S alright. But you do know one thing, dontcha? I wanna be wid you forevah, but we can't do it heah...you know dat. Colahd folks and white folks ain't allowed to be married. Dey say it ain't natural."

Adele scrunched her eyebrows up. That was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard of in her life. "We're all people. It shouldn't matter where you're from or who you are...That's silly. Its not that way at home, I don't think. Maybe we could get married there...at home. Or live in England. we could buy some property there and have a few kids." her eyes began to widen as she thought of the prospects.

"Yeah...maybe." Mush said seeming unimpressed and perhaps even angry at the idea.

She sat quietly staring at the floor for a few more minutes before hearing a commotion downstairs. The police were shouting at something, nothing new...but it wasn't often police activity came in here.

"Jack's in trouble again. Or Race maybe...Fi's gonna murdah him." he said with a laugh trying to lighten the mood.

Adele managed a smile and walked over to him with a open arms and kissed his cheek. "I love you, you know that." He smiled and returned gesture. "I do. And I love you."

As the two sat in their embrace, they heard heavy footsteps on the stairwell, and Adele couldn't mistake that shrill Irish accent for anyone else's but her maid.

"That's her officer!" she said as the police pulled the couple apart. The maid put her arms around her holding her tightly. "Adele...your aunt was so worried. She finally caught onto your escapes and she's about had a right fit when she found out you were gone. She was about to phone your father all the way in Germany."

Adele seemed unimpressed by this idea. She knew her father wouldn't react in the slightest at having her child caught in a compromising situation with a half-black boy.

"Should we book 'em, ma'am? Did this nigger hurt you?" the police officer asked, handcuffing Mush's hands together.

"First of all," Adele said straightening her back. "He is not a 'nigger', he's a human being. And second of all, I'm here because I want to be. He's my friend...(she dared not say lover). Just let him go, please. He didn't do anything wrong."

The police officer uncuffed him and shoved him onto the floor. Adele looked down at him and with tears in her eyes and mouthed "I'm sorry, I love you." And he shook his head, tears in his own eyes. "I know." was all he could manage.

-----

Adele was on house arrest for several days before she saw her beloved again. She caught him as she walked home from school, escorted by her friend's brother who was to report if Mush showed up to see her. Adele didn't even care any longer and didn't fear her aunt, so she rushed up to Mush and gave him a huge hug, right there for the world to see.

Mush grabbed her hands and shook her off of him.

"What is it, what's wrong?" She asked.

"This, us...Adele it ain't workin'...you know dat. We can't see each udda no moah."

Her mouth stood agape. "WHAT?"

"Me and you goin' ta England, dat'd be nice, but I can't...Adele, I can't. I love you so much, but I can't. Dis is best, it is i sweah."

And with that he ran out of her life, leaving her a mess. 


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't want to leave you all hanging. Actually, no that's a lie. I didn't want to study for my summer school midterm! ;)

Chapter Seven

Two years had passed since that afternoon when Mush pushed Adele away from him. They had seen little of each other. He still delivered her papers until the Irish maid told him that Miss Adele was too upset to see him, especially since he had delivered her papers twice with another girl, just as white and just as blonde as Adele on his arm.

He had tried to push her out of his head with nights with cheap women, relationships that lasted a short while...but none of them would compare to Adele. but he knew he couldn't have her, he had made his mind up that she was much too good for him, she deserved to be with someone else.

After the strings of girls, Mush finally met one who seemed to be a close second to Adele. He knew no one would ever match her, but he could love this girl just the same. Her name was Rachel, a pretty black girl who's father, by some chance in fortune, was the only black man that Mush knew of in Manhattan to own a store. Mush had courted her under the watchful eye of her father (her mother had died a few years hence of influenza) and asked her to marry her the day she turned 18. The plans for the modest wedding were in preparation and her father had told him he would have a place in the store as soon as they were wed. Until then, Mush spent his days selling newspapers in order to save up so he wouldn't look too ridiculous when he and Rachel settled in together.

The lodging house was changing and many of the newsies he had grown up with had gotten married and moved out, or had plans on it or had made entirely different plans that included leaving the the life of a newsie forever in their histories.

One morning, Kid Blink (who was planning to ask his long time sweet heart to be his wife as soon as he gathered enough money) gathered the paper with Mush and then sat down to read it to find a good story to expose to the masses.

He turned open the paper to the New York Society pages with a laugh.

"Ah yes, one day you'll see me in there won't you?" he kidded Mush.

Mush laughed and then stopped suddenly as he looked down at the paper.

"Lemme see dat."

"You got your own, stop tryin' ta scam me papes."

"I ain't! Look who's pictuah's in it."

Kid Blink looked closer at the woman who stared back at him from the paper. At first glance she looked like any other woman in the New York Society pages: heavily made up, hair in tight curls, jade hair combs but he took a closer look at this one.

"Adele?" he asked scrunching his nose. "What's she doin' in heah?"

Mush grabbed the paper and read it aloud.

"Baronesse Adele von Tussel, 18, will wed Gregory Heinrich, 26, the son of the famous oil tycoon by the same name. The couple will wed on May 24, 1902 at St. Mark's Church in the Upper East Side and honeymoon in Niagra Falls before heading to Paris and the bride's native Germany. Upon their return they will live in one of Heinrich, senior's homes. The Baronesse will complete her high school education one week before the wedding and Heinrich will simultaneously be earning a degree in business from New York University."

"Ain't dat fancy." Kid Blink said sarcastically, grabbing his paper back.

"Shoa is." Mush retorted, trying to mask the hurt in his voice.

Mush went through the rest of the day in a daze. Adele, marrying someone else? Of course he knew it would happen. He was marrying Rachel...he couldn't be in denial that Adele could have a new life herself. But now, she was even more pervading his mind and he was powerless to stop it.

Nevertheless, he continued his life with Rachel. He married her subsequently thereafter and he started what seemed to be on the surface a blissful life.

-----

More to come soon! 


	8. Chapter 8

I can't sleep, so you get a new chapter! 

CHAPTER EIGHT

Two years had passed since Mush read the announcement in the newspaper. At first, all he could think about was beautiful Adele and some cruel, stuffy, unfeeling man and he couldn't take it. He missed her like he never had before. Even though he hadn't spoken to her in a few years, it was like they had never parted, for she lived on in his mind.

Rachel continuously asked what was wrong with him, but he said nothing as he lost himself in beer with Racetrack Higgins, a habit Race's wife wasn't too fond of.

As the memory of Adele's picture placed precariously beside her betrothed began to fade from his memory, so did she. Of course, there were still memories in the night of her. Sometimes she danced in front of him in his dreams, sometimes he rolled over holding Rachel thinking it was Adele. But as time drew further away, he accepted more readily that Adele would never be seen again.

He loved Rachel, there was no doubt about that. He had always thought love was reserved for one person, but found it increasingly odd that he could still harbor feelings for this old flame of his, yet be so in love with Rachel and the light in her eyes.

A year into the marriage, Rachel became pregnant and bore their first child, Jacob. He was perfect, 10 fingers, 10 toes and a loud healthy cry. And thus, Mush fell in love with a third person.

One morning, Mush sat watch of Rachel's father's store as he tried helplessly to take care of the baby. Rachel's father had been one of the only black people to own a store outside of Harlem, so Mush felt he had a lot to live up to, but it was a good wage...a way to support his growing family.

That morning, Rachel and her father had left to visit his ailing mother in Atlanta. Mush was left to his own devices with Jacob who had caught a cold the week earlier and Rachel didn't want to risk him being too near the sickly grandma, lest either of them catch germs from one another.

Jacob was unusually fussy that morning. Two of his workers had called in sick that day, so it was just Mush, Jacob and two other workers to deal with the new shipment and customers coming in and out all day.

Jacob gave a loud cry, forcing Mush to look up from his inventory and cradle him in his arms. As he was doing so, he heard the familiar footsteps of a customer coming in.

"Michael!" He called to his worker. "There's a customer...can you help them? MICHAEL!"

Mush sighed, exasperated. Michael was always taking his stupid cigarette breaks at the most inopportune times. He would have to discuss firing him for his lazy ways as soon as his father-in-law returned.

Jacob in tow, Mush went to the register. He noticed a woman of great station standing there perusing over some baby food. She was wearing an elegant green coat with roses embroidered on the chest and a hat to match-perfect for weathering off the chill of October. She was pushing a pram, filled with a white bundle who seemed to be sleeping at the moment.

Right away Mush knew this scene was odd. In those days, women did not shop for themselves, or take their babies out. If a baby needed more carrots to be mashed or if the lady of the house needed something in particular, a maid would always be the one to fetch it. And if the baby needed to be walked, well that was the nanny's job. This woman was peculiar indeed.

The woman inspected a can of peas, perhaps to mash up for the little one in the pram.

"Excuse me?" She asked rather politely. "Does this come in a larger size?"

Mush, who was preoccupied with his baby, barely heard the question as Jacob was just beginning to finally calm down. The woman, had not let her eyes up from the jar of peas, but when their eyes met, they were both taken aback.

The woman, was none other than Adele. When she saw Mush there with the baby, she was so startled, the can of peas slipped from her black gloved hand and smashed on the floor, the noise causing both babies to cry.

"Oh I'm sorry!" she exclaimed bending over to pull her now wailing child out of the pram. "Now they're both at it. I finally got her to fall asleep...she likes long walks into town..."

Adele cooed and coddled her daughter as Mush did the same with his son.

"Maybe if you put him in the pram with her? They like the rocking motion." she said over the roar of infantile cries. "And its big enough for four children."

Mush agreed as he lay his dark child next to Adele's cream-white child. She moved the pram back and forth until both of the children dozed off together.

Adele sat down primly upon an upturned crate, as primly as one can sitting on an upturned crate, and stared ahead with a blank expression. Mush didn't quite know how to react to her, as she looked somewhat like a beautiful statue, too beautiful to be touched.

He shuffled his feet around on the floor a little bit before trying to attempt conversation. He didn't know what she was thinking. She had once been everything to him and now he could understand why she wouldn't want to speak with him. He had hurt her badly, and he had hurt himself, he knew that.

"So...I...see ya got married?" he said scratching the back of his neck.

Adele nodded.

"Two years ago." she said quietly, shifting her gaze to the sleeping children. She was beautiful, grown up and aloof. She did not ask information about him and she wondered whether it was because she didn't want to know or because she simply didn't care any longer.

He sat down, watching Jacob stretch in his sleep next to Adele's miniature daughter, who turned over and clasped the blanket with her tiny hands.

"Yeah...I got married around then too. Me and my wife had Jacob five months ago...she's in Atlanta with her pap. She's got a real sick granny down in da south. Her granny was a slave...ain't dat amazing? I got such respect for her." Mush volunteered, hoping to open up a conversation.

"That's interesting." Adele answered, looking as though watching her hair grow would be a much more fascinating subject.

Mush sighed, wondering how long this was going to go on. He couldn't take it anymore, this would be the destruction of his fantasies. He often wondered if Adele ever thought about him anymore, if she ever woke up in the middle of the night wondering about him, but this seemed to be proof she no longer cared for him.

"Look," he stammered. "I'se real sorry I left you back den. I didn't mean ta hoitcha..."

"Then what did you mean to do?" Adele asked sharply. She had grown into a pistol, that's for sure. Mush knew she gave her husband trouble, he could tell.

"Adele...I jus'...I loved you so much. And we couldn'ta been tageddah. Well we could've if we had moved, but I was young and stupid and didn't wanta leave New York..."

She seemed unmoved by his plea.

"I heard it was because you had a thing for one of the factory girls. She was white. i saw you with her." Adele stammered, keeping her cool, even though underneath it all she was about to lose it.

Mush sighed. He had gotten with a factory girl right after he left Adele, but he didn't plan on anything with the girl. She was there, she dulled the pain for a few minutes each day.

"She didn't mean anythin' to me. I sweah on me son. I knew I'd made a mistake in losing you, I knew it. But by the time I realized it, it was too late Adele. You were gone." he told her, almost in tears.

"Gone? I was right here the whole time."

"No, no...you were wid dat husband a yours by den. I almost thought of breakin' it wid Rachel and comin' back ta youse...see if you still would take me back. But den i saw you in da papah wid him and I knew it was too late."

"It wasn't too late." Adele said looking down at her hands.

"Do you love him?" Mush asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be. He would kill any man who was in this same situation with his beloved Rachel...but somehow this was different.

Adele nodded slowly. "I didn't at first. I thought...if I was with him I'd not think about you. I liked him all right...he was pleasant. But I fell in love with him a few months into our marriage. he was so good to me. He'd never leave me. He loves me...and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. Its not the same as with you, but I care about him deeply. And I have a child with him. He's handsome, treats me well, loves me, provides for me. There's no reason not to love him."

Mush nodded slowly. He knew those words too well. Sure, he loved Rachel now, but he hadn't always. She was pretty and she was in his station and she was colored, just like him. After a while, he started to love her, but it had never been the same...ever.

"I should hope you love your wife. Whoever she is...poor thing. She gave you this beautiful baby...and I would imagine she loves you a lot."

He nodded. "Rachel...Rachel. I...do love her. But it ain't da same neidda. Its like wid you and whats-his-face..."

Adele smiled. "Gregory."

"Right, wid you and Gregory." he stopped for a moment and looked at Jacob and Adele's daughter. "You think dey coulda made a gentleman outta me?"

"If you married me? I guess so, yes. My father surely would've put you through school. Of course people would think a little ill of me, but that wasn't anything new, I was always the black sheep. But I wouldn't have cared."

Mush nodded. He looked at Adele's baby, who looked so content and happy in her warm blankets.

"What's 'er name?" he asked after a long pause.

"Cecila. And his?"

"Jacob."

"Pretty name." She smiled. "Rachel has good taste."

He nodded and smiled, proud of his wife.

"So does dis Gregory character if he chose you." Mush said, leaning in closer to Adele. All of the moments they had spent together rushed through him, the sweet pangs and kisses of first loves, caressing under the tree in the park, the moonlit swims in the lake, making love in her satin sheets...

Adele leaned in closer to him as well. He brushed his hand over her cheek. Still as soft and white as ever. She closed her eyes, savoring it, fearing it was just a dream.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned in to kiss her. She instinctively jumped back.

"I can't...I can't do this. Jacob's asleep now...maybe you should take him back to his crib in the back. I...think its best if I don't come back here. Gregory's coming home from the office anytime and Cecila has to be bathed before then and I have to tell the cooks what's on the menu for tonight, and I have to freshen up..."

Mush understood. They didn't belong to each other anymore. They belonged to seperate people and each had their own lives and duties now, and small lives to take care of.

"It was nice seeing you. You look good...as usual."

She smiled reluctantly. "You too. Good luck. You've got a beautiful baby." She told him, stopping only long enough to let him take Jacob out of the carriage before whisking Cecilia away and clicking her heels off into the distance.

------

more to come, I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

A few weeks passed and Adele could not get the encounter with her former lover out of her mind. Although she had run from his kiss, she couldn't help but feel like she had in some way betrayed her husband. She was guilty of being in love with another man.

One evening, after Adele had put Cecila to bed, she sat in the drawing room reading as her husband poured over some financial reports, elegantly smoking a cigar. But Adele couldn't concentrate on the novel. It was one of the latest books all of Gregory's friends were reading. Women, of course, we not supposed to be big readers, but Adele read anyway and her husband did not mind. He liked that she was subtly different from all of the other cookie-cutter ladies of society.

All of the words on the page seemed to blend together, so Adele just gave up and took to staring out of the window where nothing in particular was going on outside. She had been unusually quiet and melancholy for days. Her husband thought it was just a female thing and let it be, until it seemed not to pass for weeks.

He looked up from his business reports to inhale a puff from his cigar. He watched his wife for a moment, looking so delicate and fragile in her chair.

"What's wrong, Adele?" he asked her, putting down his pen.

She shrugged and picked up the book. "Nothing at all. Just thinking. Cecilia was really wild today...so I'm just tired."

"But that's why we have a nanny." he volunteered, not buying her excuses.

She nodded, knowing he suspected something else was going on. She kept quiet for a full hour before opening her mouth again.

"Gregory, were you ever in love with another woman before me?"

Her husband nearly choked when he heard the question and masked it as a cough.

"I don't suppose so, no." he answered quietly. "Why?"

"Oh...just the book...tales of lovers. I was just wondering if there was any woman I should be wildly jealous of for having been your first love." she smiled.

He smiled back at her, putting his pen down once more. "No, no. You can be assured of that."

The following evening before bed, Gregory ruffled through the pockets of his coat, which was hanging on the hanger on the door, waiting for him to wear to the office the next morning. Adele, assuming he was looking for his tobacco, began taking off her overdress and taking her hair down, getting ready to retire for the evening. Just as she had slipped off her over dress and stood before him in her corset and underdress, he tapped her on the shoulder.

"I saw this at Tiffany's this morning and I thought of you." he smiled, handing her a familiar blue box with a white ribbon around it.

Adele grinned and opened the box at a lady-like slow pace and found a gorgeous silver necklace with a precarious diamond hanging from it.

"How gorgeous." she exclaimed, watching the diamond glittering in the light of their room.

"I thought you needed it. You seemed down lately." he told her, taking it from her and clasping it around her neck. "Rather dressy for undergarments, but you make anything look lovely."

She turned around and kissed his mouth delicarely. "Thank you. I love you."

The latter words were spoken more as a way to convince herself she really did love him. She had never doubted it before...

He smiled at her returning the sentiments and took her into his arms.

After they made love, Gregory lay on his stomach stroking his wife's hair and down her back the way he always did. She smiled at him lazily, feeling as though she would burst into tears any moment.

Suddenly, she turned away from him, her body rocking with sobs.

"Adele? What is it?" he asked sitting up and looking at her.

"Nothing. Its nothing. Just a female thing you know." she told him between sobs. Never before had being intimate with him caused her heart to break in two.

He laid back, feeling helpless. Had he done something wrong?

After a few moments of tears, she turned to him in the dim of the night. "Its not you. You're perfect." she whispered before kissing his lips and laying her head on his chest. She fell asleep this way on her husband's chest, but was dream of someone else entirely.

-  
Mush, too, was having difficulties. Rather than show his wife he had any vulnerabilities, he decided to talk it out with Racetrack, one of his trusted friends.

He told Rachel he was taking Jacob to visit Race's children, the two-year-old twin terrors as Race called them. They liked to coo over Jacob and try to teach him to play with blocks.

Mush gathered the child who was growing by the minute it seemed, into his arms and walked the few blocks to the apartment Race, his wife and their two children lived in. There was no mistaking Race's apartment from all of the others. Inside he heard a harmonica playing and the laughter of his wife and the children dancing around wildly to it. He had to admit he was jealous of Race. He'd only truly loved one girl and never left her...and he wished he could've done the same.

He knocked on the door. Fiona, Race's wife, answered, looking flustered, her blond hair out of place from all the dancing going on. The twins were dancing wildly in the background, running around and giggling.

"Hey Mush!" she smiled in greeting.

"Hey Fi. Heya Race."

When the twins saw him, the two ran towards the door, screaming in their nasal voices "Unca Mush!"

"Sure is," he answered with a grin. "And look who I brought to play with."

He smiled at Jacob as his eyes lit up seeing his playmates.

Sensing a man-to-man talk was in order, Fi offered to take Jacob and the kids into the other room so they could spread out and play with the toys in the chest. Mush thanked her and sat down next to Race who had lit up a cigarette.

"So, what's goin' on. Ya nevah pop up uninvited unless ya got some crisis." Race smirked, putting his feet up and blowing a ring out of his mouth.

"Its...Adele."

Race bit his lip. "Adele? I ain't hoid about her since she got married ta dat guy two yeahs ago. You seen her?"

Mush nodded. "She came into my store by mistake when Rachel was vistin' her granny. She had a baby an' all. She was so pretty, Race...prettiah dan I remembahd. And I...I dunno. We tawked and I lost all me sense and tried ta kiss her, but she ran away and I ain't seen her since. Now I can't stop thinkin' about her and Rachel keeps askin' me what's wrong an' I tell her its nothin'. She don't believe me. She's says I'm actin' like we did when we was foist tagedda, in dat funk. But I ain't gonna tell her...I love her too much. But da t'ing is, I love Adele too..."

Race let out a low whistle as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"Sounds like you got yaself in a bind." He answered. "Ya shoulda married Adele, Mush."

"I know dat, I knew dat yeahs ago." he said, in almost a pleading tone. "What would you do?"

Race shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't know ya could love moah dan one person at a time. But I'd say just stop and think for a while. Listen ta your heart I guess...it should tell ya what it wants ya know...what's best."

Mush nodded. "Yeah, you're right...I'll think about it a lot. Could you guys invite Rachel ovah sometimes? I feel bad...she's gotten real sad since i've been sad and she needs some people who ain't all mopey all da time."

"Well, we ain't exactly da cheeriest people on earth, but we'll try. I'll talk ta Fi about invitin' her over some."

"Thanks," Mush answered with a smile. "Not a word, aight? Even ta Fi."

Race nodded, spitting in his hand and holding it out. Mush responded with the same gesture.  
----

More to come! I'm not sure how to end this story actually...so if anyone has suggestions, let me know. :) 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 (this thing is going on for a long time!)

Mush thought long and hard about Race's advice to listen to what his heart told him. He kept trying to listen, but it always seemed he couldn't ever be quiet enough. He kept busy with Jacob and his wife, but hated himself for making the wrong decision so many years ago. Now it wasn't just about him and Adele, it was about four other people as well who needed and depended on them both, and Mush could barely live with that weight.

A few months later, it was necessary of him to venture into Adele's neighborhood to deliver something to one of his wealthier customers. He knew Adele's house, he had memorized the address when it had been put in the newspaper all of those years before. He stopped in front of it, debating whether to go in or not. Sighing, he realized seeing her could possibly help him sort things out.

He grabbed ahold of the regal brass knocker with her new last name inscribed on it. He knocked twice carefully. A maid in the typical uniform answered the door, looking very frazzled.

"Yes sir?" she asked, looking expectant.

"Is Mrs. Heinrich available, miss?" he asked, removing his hat and revealing his curls.

"No, she's not taking visitors." the maid answered with a sour expression.

"Can you tell her Nick-"

"No. She's not taking visitors." the maid insisted and began to close the door. He heard a small child cry in the background and someone rush to console her.

Mush walked home, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, unsure of where to go next. He wanted to rid himself of her, of Adele. His cursed her name and wished he had never met her.

Two days later, he sat with Jacob while his wife sewed the ever growing boy a new coat. He was now walking and babbling and could sufficiently play with blocks to the twins' liking, although he always made them mad when he liked to run through them once the ever-so-serious three-year-olds had stacked them up as tall as he was.

A knock came on the door and Mush grinned and the baby who ran to see who it was. He scooped the little bundle up and opened the door, to reveal the postman.

"I have a letter for Nicholas Meyers." he said sternly.

Mush nodded and accepted the letter. The writing was curly and perfect, as if the sender had spent years perfect each stroke of the pen. He turned it over to reveal the Heinrich seal waxed onto the letter to close it.

Instinctively he tore it open, putting Jacob on the floor.

"What is it?" Rachel asked, noting the fevor in which Mush opened the letter.

"Just a letter from an old friend." he said sitting down on the bed. He scanned the letter at once. It read:

Dear Nicholas,

I do not know why I am writing you as I fear it won't do much good. It won't help my situation and certainly can only hurt yours, but I felt I must tell you. I saw you come to our house and the maid turn you away. I am sorry about that, I did insist no visitors and I didn't expect you to be one of them.

Gregory died two weeks ago. We are all devastated and shocked. He was in an automobile accident, driving too fast around a curve in the Catskills at his brother's vacation home. He died instantly and his brother has broken his neck and will probably never have the use of any of his limbs again. I haven't spoken to anyone since it happened. I feel so alone without him. But at least I have Cecilia, bless her heart. She just learned to talk and often will say "Daddy?" asking where her father has gone.

I know there are loose ends between us, but I must say goodbye. Cecilia and I are moving to Germany. There is nothing to keep me here any longer. My father thinks perhaps I can make a match there with someone who will support my daughter and myself. I'm only 21 and I feel so old. I don't think I have enough love for another man, Nick. One was enough, but then two...and now three? It seems near impossible.

I've never stopped loving you and I never will. But you have Rachel. She is wonderful, beautiful, talented, smart, everything you could have wanted in a woman. She gave you that beautiful son, so please stay with her. I can only imagine little Jacob is getting bigger as well and learning to walk and talk just as my child. I fancy they could have been excellent playmates.

Cecilia and I are setting sail in two weeks time to London and then back to the countryside in Germany to settle into mein Vater's home. I haven't been there in so long, my own home seems foreign to me...imagine that.

Goodbye Mush. I'll see you around.

Love,

Adele

Mush gulped. His heart raced, his mouth was dry. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"Nicholas...what is it!" Rachel asked, genuinely worried his troubles had now reached a head.

"I'm going for a walk." he answered without apologies and with that he slammed the door and went into the night.

----

He returned in the wee hours of the morning and found Rachel sitting up in his favorite chair, rocking Jacob who had since fallen fast asleep.

"You two should be in bed." Mush told her touching her chin lightly and hanging up his hat. Rachel shrugged away at his touch.

"What is it?"

"I suppose you know."

"No, I don't. I ain't a mind readah." he answered, sitting down next to her.

"That letter...from the wife of the Heinrich heir...I read it. Seems everything about us was a lie, wasn't it Nick?" she challenged, staying dangerous composed. He couldn't even see a tear in her eye in the dim of the oil lamp.

"No! It ain't like dat! She was me goil a long time ago...we ain't seen each uddah since."

"Right." she scoffed. "Right. That's why you go to her house? You're just as disgusting as your mother."

She stood up, putting Jacob in his crib and Mush was rendered speechless.

"I ain't done nothin', Rachel. Nothin'! I saw her in my stoah and I wanted to talk to her."

"She's in love with you, Nick. Are you in love with her?"

He stood there swallowing hard. How could he answer that question?

"I love YOU." and that was the truth.

"But do you love HER too?" she asked, on the brink of tears.

"I don't know, Rachel, I don't know." he answered, banging his fist into the wall. He was on the brink, on the brink of losing everything. "I can't do nothin' right and I know it."

Rachel seemed to have no pity for him.

"Whattaya gonna do, Rach?" he asked, looking at her with tears in his eyes. He couldn't lose her, she and Jacob were all he had. He might as well be dead if he lost them.

"I don't know." she answered, pulling her shaw tightly around her shoulders.

"Please don't leave me. I ain't got nothin' widout you. You know dat." he begged.

"DON'T do that." she insisted, raising her hands to her temples. "I don't know, Nick. I don't. Don't you think I deserve to be with someone who loves me?"

"But I do love you. I do...wid everythin' I got."

"But you love another woman with everything ya got too. That ain't fair and you know it. What if I loved someone else?"

"I'd murdah da bastahd."

She nodded. "I ain't gonna go dat far, but dat's about how I feel right now."

Mush sighed, understanding her point.

"I'm goin' ta bed now, Nick. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can talk about it more then after I sleep on it." she told him, trying to mask how hurt she actually was.

"Aight. Sleep tight. I'm gonna take da couch."

She nodded and retired to their room, locking the door behind her.

Mush slipped off his shirt and trousers and lifted Jacob out of his crib. He kissed his tiny forehead. Jacob giggled and murmured "Dada".

"Dat's right, I'se your dada." he answered, cradling him. "I ain't gonna lose you, ya know dat? I love you so much."

Mush sighed and put his baby down after a few more moments of snuggling and lay down on the couch. He blew out the oil lamp and let his thoughts take shape in the darkness. He thought he was a broken man before, but now he'd hit rock bottom. And all because he was stupid when he was sixteen.

----

more to come! still don't know how to end the story...arg...we'll see. 


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